DMN 12/31/2024 - Iron Sky

First one of these I've done in quite awhile; once Dry January is over, I may have to try making it a monthly thing.  I didn't have any fixed preferences so I ended up picking a handful of movies and rolled a die to determine which got watched.  Verdict: Iron Sky.  Original thread available on X/Twitter.

Because it's been awhile, standard disclaimer: there will be some swearing.  How much depends on the movie and the booze.

• I remember this being easier on Facebook, but not enough easier to be worth using Facebook again.
• The cast is a strange mix of very Scandi and very not Scandi.
• Yes we can! Fake Sarah Palin stealing a mostly Democrat phrase.
• Don't know if I caught this on my original watch back in the day, but the spacesuits are literally color coded... the (presumably) white guy in white, and the black guy in black.
• I get the symbolism, but a swastika seems like a very impractical design for a base.
• Dammit, forgot that part of this was in German.  Normally I don't mind subtitles, but they're kind of annoying when you're: a) drinking, and b) trying to keep up a commentary on the side.
• The schoolkids raising their hands in a sieg heil motion is disturbingly hilarious. Reminds me of the weird younger brother from Eurotrip.
• "We haven't been to the moon in 50 years.  One of them was black.  We thought it would look good."  How very of the times.
• LOL at the Nazis taking Charlie Chaplain's The Great Dictator seriously.
• Holy shit, and people complain about English being complicated.  Ze Germans needed "nachrichtenübermittlung-oberführer" to say "intelligence officer".
• "Hey!  German words, right?"
• On the one hand, that was an impressive initial escape.  On the other hand... you're on the fucking moon.  If they're guarding your lander, you're not going anywhere.
• German engineering at its finest... the clothes fall off, but the underwear does not. At leas [sic] the American was a gentleman about it.
• Making fun of Nazis is always fun, but to expect that they'd still have 60s-era computers after all their technological advances in the middle of a fucking war is insane.
• Hahaha!  Don't think I caught this the first time either, but there is 100% a Downfall reference in here too.  They basically did the most memed scene, and it is hilarious.
• Though TBH, I still haven't seen that full movie.  It's on the list.
• "What am I supposed to tell er? That my employees are not intelligent enough to be fucking morons?"  Not sure if it was a thing at  the time, but that's where DEI will get you.
• "Science demands us to unite physically." Not sure that's quite the pickup line you think it is, bro.
• LOL at their super battleship being driven by an Android (you can tell it's not an Apple because there's no obnoxious logo) until the battery died.
• I don't think pumping German propaganda at a dude who doesn't speak German is going to do much.
• Ha! Forgot the Nazis were working to "whitenize" the black guy as well.
• But wait... there are no liquid dinosaurs on the moon. What's powering their cars?
• Or are there?  Dum dum DUM!
• Whiteface on a black guy--or at least the version in this movie--is way freakier than blackface on a white guy.
• Kind of funny that they landed their flying saucer in New York after all the random drone stuff going on in that area recently.  I still don't think that got explained.
• "We made you Aryan! You should be thanking us!" Wrong. I wouldn't thank somebody for turning me black; why should he thank you for turning him white(ish)? You can't control what color you were born, so it's okay to be whatever color you are.
• How is there always an abandoned warehouse? And more importantly, how did moon Nazis know where it was?
• NGL, Renate's new hairdo is a big improvement.
• Is the president wearing Vash the Stampede's jacket?
• "So, you are a formerly dead black model who is now suddenly a living white hobo after spending a weekend on the moon. Is that correct?"
• In their defense, telling everybody that moon Nazis are coming to kill them does sound pretty crazy.
• I don't think I've ever heard the swastika called a symbol of love either. Pretty sure that's not even what it meant when the [sic] originated in India, and I don't know if the Nazis even called it a swastika (as opposed to a hakenkreuz).
• I kind of wonder if the new armbands are a reference to V. I haven't seen much of either the original or the remake (despite the remake featuring Morena Baccarin), so I'm not 100% sure.
• Meteorblitzkrieg seems like low-tech mass driver warfare.  Would still fuck up a  planet, but come on... space zeppelins?
• Udo Kier makes a great bad guy. Not the same style bad guy as a Gary Oldman or Tim Curry, but he fits the role well.
• Wait... why the fuck did they need a cell phone foir their big space ship when all the little ones work just fine without it?
• "I'm just like Franklin D Roosevelt, only you know I'm not a spastic."
• A-10 Warthoooooooog!
• Now comes the tricky bit. You can't really aim a meteor, but you really don't have to... get it in the general vicinity and it will fuck that vicinity up.
• LOL at North Korea trying to take credit for the moon Nazi attack.
• Ok, but their fancy space ship looks like a retarded version of the space shuttle.  Do better, America.
• Vivian does not look great.  Vivian looks like the Winged Hussars we have at home.
• I take it back, retarded space shuttle is actually doing pretty well.
• "Okay, fine fine fine fine fine.  Let's just beat the shit out of these pricks and talk about the fine details later."
• Wait... was that a fuking X-Wing?
• Also, I'm pretty sure getting to the moon is still going to take a few days.
• "Fire the fucking nukes!" 'Murrica!
• Those were some weak-ass nukes. I think maybe the actual officer to [sic] advantage of the pseudo-commander to downgrade.
• Ok. The Gotterdammerung is kinda cool, but that is way too many gears, which are all points of failure.
• But it's got what appear to be railguns, so I'll gut [sic] it some slack.
• More like sieg fail, amirite?
• I know it's been done before, but I don't know if a heel would actually go through a forehead like that.
• "But ultimately it's just like WW2, and who won that?  We did!"
• Hey, he got re-blackified!
• But also he magically got a haircut, apparently. His hobo hair was way longer than that.
• Ze aind!

I'm honestly a bit annoyed at the typos I found when going back through.  I realize I was drinking at the time, but still.

DMN 09/05/18 - Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone

• For the first time on Twitter (at least from me), it's Drunken Movie Night! Tonight's feature is "Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone."

• Gotta love those 80s soundtracks.

• Oh shit, the title just punched through the hull of... a submarine, maybe?

• But in space.

• Michael Ironside! As Overdog!

• I guess I should toss a hashtag in here too. #DMN

• Do stars have brothers? #dmn

• Do molten gasses condense? I guess they're kind of liquidy. #dmn

• Is that a tea cozy on her head? More of a demented teapot, I guess. #dmn

• Tusken raiders! Wait, wrong series. Sand zombies? #dmn

• It's a Mad Max Mobile! In space! #dmn

• An all space mayday? Oh snap. And 3000 mega credits for responding? #dmn

• Who names a starliner "X-Ray 370"?

• Quarantine restricted!? #dmn

• This seems like overly heroic music for flying by a planet. It's like playing Pomp & Circumstance for successfully grocery shopping. #dmn

• Chalmers seems entirely too useful to be 2nd in command. #dmn

• Opening your cockpit on a plague infested planet seems like maybe not such a good idea. #dmn

• Yessss... pirate ship on wheels. #dmn

• Never mind. They're not actually pirates, and they're shitty at shipping. And about to get pirated, ironically. #dmn

• Because if it was simple they wouldn't be offering 3k mega credits, you dumbfuck. #dmn

• Does that look like an escape pod with three women in it? No? Then it's not your fight. #dmn

• Oh shit, Chalmers has been shot! She was also leaning out of cover and not doing anything useful, which means my earlier assessment may be incorrect. #dmn

• Well huh. Looks like those women were on the ship train thing... but it also looks like they got their necks snapped. Movie over? #dmn

• Our hero just pulled a Perseus, sort of. There's hope yet! #dmn

• Chickens! In space! #dmn

• Dang. Either that was an incredibly powerful weapon, or she's super fragile. Also, turns out she was a cyborg! #dmn

• Oh shit, she's melting! #dmn

• Pro tip: don't park in a sand zombie zone. #dmn

• Okay, that one was definitely a tea cozy. #dmn

• Everybody's dead Dave. #dmn

• I guess that could be a mobile for a baby vampire? #dmn

• Better not skizz her home! Or something like that. Worst space carjacking ever. #dmn

• Smooth all over, you say? I'm in! #dmn

• Must have nibbles! And fancy clothes. I'm a fan of gingers, but I think I preferred the cyborg. #dmn

• BRB, drink refill + bio break. #dmn

• Holy balls she talks a lot. #dmn

• WTF is even happening right now? #dmn

• Also, those were horribly impractical outfits. Not even normal pulp scifi outfits, just... weird. #dmn

• News you can use: Molly Ringwald don't eat dog... much. #dmn

• Pro tip #2: Don't fall asleep next to a stranger that you just pissed off. #dmn

• The mood enhancer sounds like a cross between a tattoo needle and an angry bee. #dmn

• Who the fuck just carries soap around in their pocket? #dmn

• It washes the soap off of its skin, or else it gets the puddle again. #dmn

• Pretty sure somebody is still farting in that puddle. #dmn

• That was a really shitty bulldozer. It didn't doze, or bull. #dmn

• I'll never fall for that thing I just fell for! #dmn

• Do flies shit, on windows or otherwise? #dmn

• Sitting on a rock will probably not take care of either your broken bulldozer or your wet gun. #dmn

• Jump a lizard, scav! #dmn

• Why are you driving into a building that looks like a dick? #dmn

• I've inspected 5% of this building and it looks okay, so come on in! #dmn

• Haven't you ever liked anything, like a dog or a goat? #dmn

• That was sarcasm, Nicki. Nikki? However she spells herself. But also potentially something creeping on your camping spot. #dmn

• Well there are the dead people it smells like. They somehow got fat. #dmn

• They kind of look like the broodmothers from Dragon Age. #dmn

• And now they're getting shat out tubes that seem designed for having broodmothers shat out of them. Not the kind of thing most places would plan for. #dmn

• What GIFF-tsss? #dmn

• They are really not making use of Michael Ironsides. That could've been just about anybody as Overdog. #dmn

• Oh shit, a water hag! #damn

• Or... drowners? Amazonian drowners, maybe. #dmn

• Not sure why an eel thingy that took one shot to kill scared off all the drowners. #dmn

• Why the fuck would drowners have a hatch that leads into the desert? #dmn

• In general, I'm not opposed to swimmen women. #dmn

• As much as I hate #facebook, this was much easier on there... less scrolling and clicking for additional comments. #dmn

• Oh snap, the bulldozer is back! #dmn

• Babysitting for 200 years seems ambitious. Both because people should be grown up by then, and also dead by then. #DMN

• Hey, it's the pirate ship train guys! And they're assholes. #dmn

• Sand zombie shamans? Or maybe a Pink Floyd concert, but with no Pink Floyd. #dmn

• That is the worst bulldozer ever. #dmn

• I'm pretty sure she just said she was still wearing diapers. #dmn

• That guy just got the shit spiked out of him. #dmn

• Partially agree: they're clothes aren't actually, but also they're not that hot. #dmn

• That does not look like guarding the space car. Also, you just got caught. #dmn

• And that's why you don't hold things for strangers. #dmn

• Not the maze! #dmn

• I don't give a shit, I'm going to rescue this person I don't know very well who frequently pisses me off! #dmn

• Not the fusion tube! #dmn

• Well huh. He actually is kind of like a vampire. #dmn

• What the fuck, he's got rockets in his hands? #dmn

• I think Overdog just got crisped. #dmn

• Nope, he's still swooping and grasping. #dmn

• And that's why you don't stick your forkish hand in an outlet. #dmn

• Shittiest bulldozer in the world, to the rescue! #dmn

• Wait, what? How did you get back into your own vehicle? #dmn

• I do want you to come. I want you to come with me. #phrasing #dmn
• Ernie Hudson! Thought I recognized him. But also people named Beeson and Hrant. Also, the end! #dmn

DMN 01/11/13 - Cyborg 2

Apparently these go back further than I thought... this one is from before I came up with the DMN title.

Watching Cyborg 2. Prediction: slightly less awesome than Troll 2. #fridaynightmovie

• HAHAHAHAHA!
• "[I'm] a bad idea on the loose."
• "And guess who's been reported as the thief? You, handsome."
• "How come nobody ever says 'Don't damage the human'?"
• "Swing me!"
• Thank goodness real elevators don't have cardboard floors.
• "AAAAAAAAaaaaahhhhh.....!"
• "Black... magic."
• "I've been activated!"
• Man, I'm approaching MA levels of typing on my own timeline here.
• "And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall."
• "That sort of garage sale must be avoided at all costs."
• "Don't get dead."
• Alcohol + cheesy movie = best combination ever.
• "That window will never mess with you again."
• Never light a cigarette for a man with a cooler hat than you have.
• "You're a spook man, you know that?"
• "Have you ever been to the magical foreest?"
• Jack Palance is what would happen if Michael Jackson and David Bowie had a kid.
• "They say the happiest people have no memories."
• Whatever dude, you kissed a robot.
• "Today might be that day, punk."
• "Look what you've done!"
• If my reactions were as slow as those of somebody fighting in an 80s/90s movie, I would've been run over by at least 100 cars by now.
• Bum bum BUM!
• "I'm not putting my ass through a blender so you can place some bets."
• Now I think he just married a cyborg.
• "It's time to rumble."
• I love that music in 2074 sounds very similar to music in the early 90s.
• "For love."
• I think the fight promoter might be a vampire.
• "If you interfere, Colt disqualifies... no Mombasa!"
• "But your boyfriend is dirt cheap."
• "You want to dine with the devil, you need a long spoon."
• "I think you kissed the wrong ass goodbye."
• Here, let me hold onto you while you dig a hole. That will make it much easier.
• I'm going to say the prediction was mostly right. I think it was actually quite a bit worse than Troll 2, but it had a young Angelina Jolie to kind of even things out.
• Assuming I don't find a life between now and then, tune in next week for commentary on some other random movie.