DMN 09/05/18 - Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone

• For the first time on Twitter (at least from me), it's Drunken Movie Night! Tonight's feature is "Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone."

• Gotta love those 80s soundtracks.

• Oh shit, the title just punched through the hull of... a submarine, maybe?

• But in space.

• Michael Ironside! As Overdog!

• I guess I should toss a hashtag in here too. #DMN

• Do stars have brothers? #dmn

• Do molten gasses condense? I guess they're kind of liquidy. #dmn

• Is that a tea cozy on her head? More of a demented teapot, I guess. #dmn

• Tusken raiders! Wait, wrong series. Sand zombies? #dmn

• It's a Mad Max Mobile! In space! #dmn

• An all space mayday? Oh snap. And 3000 mega credits for responding? #dmn

• Who names a starliner "X-Ray 370"?

• Quarantine restricted!? #dmn

• This seems like overly heroic music for flying by a planet. It's like playing Pomp & Circumstance for successfully grocery shopping. #dmn

• Chalmers seems entirely too useful to be 2nd in command. #dmn

• Opening your cockpit on a plague infested planet seems like maybe not such a good idea. #dmn

• Yessss... pirate ship on wheels. #dmn

• Never mind. They're not actually pirates, and they're shitty at shipping. And about to get pirated, ironically. #dmn

• Because if it was simple they wouldn't be offering 3k mega credits, you dumbfuck. #dmn

• Does that look like an escape pod with three women in it? No? Then it's not your fight. #dmn

• Oh shit, Chalmers has been shot! She was also leaning out of cover and not doing anything useful, which means my earlier assessment may be incorrect. #dmn

• Well huh. Looks like those women were on the ship train thing... but it also looks like they got their necks snapped. Movie over? #dmn

• Our hero just pulled a Perseus, sort of. There's hope yet! #dmn

• Chickens! In space! #dmn

• Dang. Either that was an incredibly powerful weapon, or she's super fragile. Also, turns out she was a cyborg! #dmn

• Oh shit, she's melting! #dmn

• Pro tip: don't park in a sand zombie zone. #dmn

• Okay, that one was definitely a tea cozy. #dmn

• Everybody's dead Dave. #dmn

• I guess that could be a mobile for a baby vampire? #dmn

• Better not skizz her home! Or something like that. Worst space carjacking ever. #dmn

• Smooth all over, you say? I'm in! #dmn

• Must have nibbles! And fancy clothes. I'm a fan of gingers, but I think I preferred the cyborg. #dmn

• BRB, drink refill + bio break. #dmn

• Holy balls she talks a lot. #dmn

• WTF is even happening right now? #dmn

• Also, those were horribly impractical outfits. Not even normal pulp scifi outfits, just... weird. #dmn

• News you can use: Molly Ringwald don't eat dog... much. #dmn

• Pro tip #2: Don't fall asleep next to a stranger that you just pissed off. #dmn

• The mood enhancer sounds like a cross between a tattoo needle and an angry bee. #dmn

• Who the fuck just carries soap around in their pocket? #dmn

• It washes the soap off of its skin, or else it gets the puddle again. #dmn

• Pretty sure somebody is still farting in that puddle. #dmn

• That was a really shitty bulldozer. It didn't doze, or bull. #dmn

• I'll never fall for that thing I just fell for! #dmn

• Do flies shit, on windows or otherwise? #dmn

• Sitting on a rock will probably not take care of either your broken bulldozer or your wet gun. #dmn

• Jump a lizard, scav! #dmn

• Why are you driving into a building that looks like a dick? #dmn

• I've inspected 5% of this building and it looks okay, so come on in! #dmn

• Haven't you ever liked anything, like a dog or a goat? #dmn

• That was sarcasm, Nicki. Nikki? However she spells herself. But also potentially something creeping on your camping spot. #dmn

• Well there are the dead people it smells like. They somehow got fat. #dmn

• They kind of look like the broodmothers from Dragon Age. #dmn

• And now they're getting shat out tubes that seem designed for having broodmothers shat out of them. Not the kind of thing most places would plan for. #dmn

• What GIFF-tsss? #dmn

• They are really not making use of Michael Ironsides. That could've been just about anybody as Overdog. #dmn

• Oh shit, a water hag! #damn

• Or... drowners? Amazonian drowners, maybe. #dmn

• Not sure why an eel thingy that took one shot to kill scared off all the drowners. #dmn

• Why the fuck would drowners have a hatch that leads into the desert? #dmn

• In general, I'm not opposed to swimmen women. #dmn

• As much as I hate #facebook, this was much easier on there... less scrolling and clicking for additional comments. #dmn

• Oh snap, the bulldozer is back! #dmn

• Babysitting for 200 years seems ambitious. Both because people should be grown up by then, and also dead by then. #DMN

• Hey, it's the pirate ship train guys! And they're assholes. #dmn

• Sand zombie shamans? Or maybe a Pink Floyd concert, but with no Pink Floyd. #dmn

• That is the worst bulldozer ever. #dmn

• I'm pretty sure she just said she was still wearing diapers. #dmn

• That guy just got the shit spiked out of him. #dmn

• Partially agree: they're clothes aren't actually, but also they're not that hot. #dmn

• That does not look like guarding the space car. Also, you just got caught. #dmn

• And that's why you don't hold things for strangers. #dmn

• Not the maze! #dmn

• I don't give a shit, I'm going to rescue this person I don't know very well who frequently pisses me off! #dmn

• Not the fusion tube! #dmn

• Well huh. He actually is kind of like a vampire. #dmn

• What the fuck, he's got rockets in his hands? #dmn

• I think Overdog just got crisped. #dmn

• Nope, he's still swooping and grasping. #dmn

• And that's why you don't stick your forkish hand in an outlet. #dmn

• Shittiest bulldozer in the world, to the rescue! #dmn

• Wait, what? How did you get back into your own vehicle? #dmn

• I do want you to come. I want you to come with me. #phrasing #dmn
• Ernie Hudson! Thought I recognized him. But also people named Beeson and Hrant. Also, the end! #dmn

DMN 01/11/13 - Cyborg 2

Apparently these go back further than I thought... this one is from before I came up with the DMN title.

Watching Cyborg 2. Prediction: slightly less awesome than Troll 2. #fridaynightmovie

• HAHAHAHAHA!
• "[I'm] a bad idea on the loose."
• "And guess who's been reported as the thief? You, handsome."
• "How come nobody ever says 'Don't damage the human'?"
• "Swing me!"
• Thank goodness real elevators don't have cardboard floors.
• "AAAAAAAAaaaaahhhhh.....!"
• "Black... magic."
• "I've been activated!"
• Man, I'm approaching MA levels of typing on my own timeline here.
• "And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall."
• "That sort of garage sale must be avoided at all costs."
• "Don't get dead."
• Alcohol + cheesy movie = best combination ever.
• "That window will never mess with you again."
• Never light a cigarette for a man with a cooler hat than you have.
• "You're a spook man, you know that?"
• "Have you ever been to the magical foreest?"
• Jack Palance is what would happen if Michael Jackson and David Bowie had a kid.
• "They say the happiest people have no memories."
• Whatever dude, you kissed a robot.
• "Today might be that day, punk."
• "Look what you've done!"
• If my reactions were as slow as those of somebody fighting in an 80s/90s movie, I would've been run over by at least 100 cars by now.
• Bum bum BUM!
• "I'm not putting my ass through a blender so you can place some bets."
• Now I think he just married a cyborg.
• "It's time to rumble."
• I love that music in 2074 sounds very similar to music in the early 90s.
• "For love."
• I think the fight promoter might be a vampire.
• "If you interfere, Colt disqualifies... no Mombasa!"
• "But your boyfriend is dirt cheap."
• "You want to dine with the devil, you need a long spoon."
• "I think you kissed the wrong ass goodbye."
• Here, let me hold onto you while you dig a hole. That will make it much easier.
• I'm going to say the prediction was mostly right. I think it was actually quite a bit worse than Troll 2, but it had a young Angelina Jolie to kind of even things out.
• Assuming I don't find a life between now and then, tune in next week for commentary on some other random movie.