How this works

Alright, I went through and found all of the old Drunken Movie Nights that I could and got them added to the blog.  From here on out, everything will be in order.  At some point I may set up a separate tab to list possible future selections for DMNs.  Suggestions can also be sent to drunkenmovienights@gmail.com

DMN 05/25/2013 - Tomb Raider

Drunken movie time! Tonight's feature: Tomb Raider.

• Fair warning: there may be some foul language in the comments.
• Pretty sure you're not actually stronger than a robot.
• Or strong enough to haul it around the house, for that matter.
• Rimmer!
• Hey, that's Delerium on the soundtrack!
• It's Venice! I've been there!
• Ser Jorah!
• And holy crap, is that a Lannister?
• LW: Put down the whiskey ;) ....
• Nope, false alarm.
• Also LW, I've barely had any of the whiskey yet. Just getting started! :)
• Good thing it isn't the 15th IRL.
• JS: at least this is all contained in one status update. if they were all separate updates, I'd have to unfriend you
• Yeah, I'm considerate like that.
• JS: i appreciate it
• It's a syzygy! Which for some reason I always thought involved more planets.
• Pretty sure they stole the ticking sound from Edgar Allen Poe.
• Because it's easy to sleep with robots crawling all over you.
• "Must be one of them ticking clocks, eh?"
• You swing a hammer like a girl!
• Tower Bridge! I've been there too!
• Bond? James Bond?
• Ha! No false alarm that time... Daniel Craig is definitely in the movie.
• The Triangle of Light? Sounds like the Triforce.
• RIP, Angelina Jolie's bosoms.
• On which note, I'm glad this movie is streaming now. Last time I searched for it, all that came up was Womb Raider, which I decided to pass on.
• Your ignorance amuses me too.
• Why is there daylight coming in through the skylights when it's night outside?
• Damn. That is the weakest stone balustrade I've ever seen.
• Also, these guys must've taken marksmanship training at the same place that all the Stormtroopers did.
• I really hope somebody gets bored enough to read through these.
• Pretty sure your insurance isn't going to cover you jumping off of one car on a motorcycle and blowing the shit out of some others with an Uzi. Mac-10? Some sort of sub machine gun.
• If your knife was that loose in the sheath, it would definitely fall out.
• So some great ancient city was destroyed because they abused the Triangle of Light's power to control time. Question: why the fuck didn't they just travel back in time to avoid that?
• Follow the butterflies! They always know the way.
• Hooray! We just destroyed part of our culture's history! Dumbest natives evar.
• Following creepy little kids is generally not a good idea.
• CE: im reading
• Okay, really? Her hands would be seriously fucked up trying to catch herself on that root.
• Man, that looked a lot like one of the Gurubashi trolls.
• I don't think you quite understand how physics work.
• Remember when these visual effects were awesome?
• Meat shield!
• Oh shit, boss fight!
• And DPS is drawing aggro. Womp womp.
• Diving off a giant waterfall: good idea or bad idea? You decide!
• English is pretty awesome, but why is a Cambodian monk speaking it?
• Magic tea! I need some of that.
• I wear my sunglasses inside.
• "Me bum's gone asleep again. All down the left cheek."
• Creepy little kid #2.
• Very practical outfit for a frozen wasteland. Oh wait, no it isn't.
• Dear ice wall: you exploded the wrong way. You know, just FYI.
• That looks kind of like Aughra's Great Contraption.
• CE: still reading
• "It's a time storm. Time is broken here." How the hell would you have any reference for that?
• These guys are failing as Ninja Warriors.
• You can tell this is from before The Incredibles, because the bad guy was stupid enough to monologue.
• Wait, what is he caught on?
• And more importantly, why isn't it just lopping him in half like it did to those other guys?
• It's a wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey sort of thing.
• She has the biggest. Puffiest. Lips.
• Fake slo-mo fail. Slowing the frame rate doesn't count.
• Turning a knife around won't make it fly the other way, it'll just mean the guy gets hit with the hilt instead of the blade.
• Oh no, head bad guy got stabbed in the shoulder! I guess the rest of us are just going to take off. Later dude.
• Bad guy #2 (who was really the main bad guy all along) got caught doing the knife-twirling equivalent of a monologue, and got burie dfor his troubles.
• The end! And time for bed. I feel like this was more entertaining last time I did it, but that may have had to do with the movie choice as well. Oh well.
• CE: "And more importantly, why isn't it just lopping him in half like it did to those other guys?" it was dull
• PR: This was awesome 

DMN 06/07/2013 - Escape from L.A.

It's been a long week and I don't have to work tomorrow, so I declare a drunken movie night! Tonight's feature: Escape from L.A. As always, everything will go in the comments to this post, to avoid spamming your news feed.

• Holy crap, it's got Bruce Campbell! This is already awesome.
• I wonder if that guy was based on Pat Robertson?
• ZOMG! IT TAKES PLACE IN 2013! Also fair warning, there will be some swearing.
• I don't think that's a regulation haircut.
• Fact: Gun fighting for profit (or at all, really) would be difficult with only one eye.
• Sorry MC, you would've ended up in LA in this movie.
• Or you could've repented and been electrocuted instead.
• Who names their kid Utopia?
• "Snake. Call me Snake."
• MC: I LOVE those two movies!!! The name's Plissken!
• Starter beer: Fort George Cavatica Stout. From the description: "Cavatica biberat. When exposed to dark, foamy liquids, this usually placid spider hollers pirate songs, cheats at cards, and argues politics with its fellow arachnids."
• Hey Kurt, the 80s called... they want their popped collar back.
• Did they just advertise that submarine as "shark free"? That seems like it should be a given.
• Also, you park like an old woman. Hope you don't need that sub later.
• If LA has been a penal colony island for a decade, where the fuck are they getting fuel for their cars?
• I'm not sure how well the construction worker look would turn out for an actual prostitute.
• Cuervo is pretty white for a fly guy.
• Snake definitely took his shooting lessons from Han. First is best!
• Random guy who took Kurt's jacket: the 80s are still looking for their popped collar. If you took too long giving it back, they may put out a bounty.
• Those were an 80s thing, right? Or more 90s?
• Steve Buscemi!
• Bad guy used a bolas, winning!
• That ambulance looks a lot like the Ghost Busters car.
• A Sith!
• Clever girl.
• Damn, it's a whole colony of Michael Jacksons. Run by Bruce Campbell!
• Wait, when did you reload that gun? The magazine was clearly empty.
• "The future is right now." --Snake Plissken
• She obviously forgot to knock on wood.
• Why would a satellite has a "mega neutron bomb" attached to it? That seems... unwise.
• Also, why does LA have any connection to the outside world?
• Oh noes, it's The World Code!
• ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
• And that's why I stopped playing basketball.
• I'm pretty sure that guy was lip-syncing his "boooooo!"
• Dude, is that you Snake? Far out man.
• Surfing a tsunami... totally realistic!
• Dude looks like a lady?
• What's with chambering a round AFTER you were threatening somebody with a gun? You'd think that's the sort of thing you'd want to do first.
• Death from above!
• Hang gliders! Reminds me of FarCry.
• Those doll heads on the car are pretty stylin', but I"m not sure if they'd look the same on my Yaris.
• I think Steve Buscemi just got picked up by the balls. Ouch.
• You know when you're the only ones in the air you make easy targets, right?
• Really, biting? Not cool bro.
• Kurt Russel is a DRAGON! Fire cannot harm him.
• I'm pretty sure that's not the way the quote goes.
• No red meat? WORST COUNTRY EVAR!
• Hologrammed, n00bs!
• HE'S ENTERED THE WORLD CODE!
• "The name's Plissken."
• I don't think they understand how EMP works. You realize that it's not permanent, right?
• The end! I'm not sure when the next one will be, but movie suggestions are welcome. Preferably something streaming on Netflix, but between the roomies and I there's a fairly decent collection to work with.
• PR: Tucker and Dale Vs Evil
• Oooh... that one could be very fun for this.

DMN 06/21/2013 - Safety Not Guaranteed

Well my stomach is already going to hate me because of the delicious Fire Shrimp I had for dinner, so it may be time for a drunken movie night. Any suggestions before I pick something out?

• KL: Safety Not Guaranteed
• It's got Aubrey Plaza, which is good enough for me.  :)
• I've got a raspberry fruit bar and some rum... that's kind of like a daiquiri, right?
• Turtle!
• Hey, local!
• Hey, that lady!
• Hair in the toilet! That's why I keep mine short.
• "Did she criticize your technique the whole time? Boss you around?" "Maybe a little."
• Belated fair warning, swearing will be involved.
• That's why you never fuck Bridget.
• Hey, that guy!
• Facebook friends with your daughter's college roommate... not at all creepy.
• Apparently people killing themselves for each other is... cool?
• "No, that wasn't a time."
• I would totally go back in time.
• "Yeah, she wants to stop whoever gave her that haircut from ever being born."
• I"m pretty sure that's Pete from The League.
• It is!
• Dr. Who could disagree, but sure, time can be a triangle thing.
• BM: U comments u self
• I'm providing a narrative for anybody bored enough to read through the comments.
• I don't wear the real tight leggings that girls wear either.
• "You're dangling my vagina out there like bait."
• "What are you guys, racist?"
• Man, that guy makes the vest look douchey.
• "Jerkin' around is for jerks."
• "There's no sense in nonsense."
• "I wanna eat that homemade dinner."
• Man, he parks like an old lady.
• "The truth is, she's not that fat."
• This is a tricky one... entertaining, but not mindless enough.
• LASERS!
• True story. Government employees will always blow your cover.
• "I don't know, I"m not a friggen Stormtrooper."
• "He doesn't know, he's not a friggen Stormtrooper either."
• You are freaking out... man.
• Who names a girl Darius?
• "Do you know what Star Wars is?"
• Drunken go-karting would be fun too.
• I think I should've gone with my original choice, "Scorpion King 3."
• Apparently ghosts under a sheet tend to laugh more than other ghosts. Who knew?
• It's a rock baby!
• Thank goodness I've never had pedophile glasses.
• "I'm Peter File!"
• Flaming paper airplanes! Not as cool as sparkler arrows, but not bad.
• Holy shit, it's teh feds!
• Likes! That means either somebody was bored, or I'm more entertaining than I thought.
• I did a research paper on time travel once. In theory it's possible, but would be incredibly difficult to pull off, and even more so to direct.
• IT'S JUST LIKE IN GATOR! Only without Burt Reynolds.
• Oh wait, that's more of a gyroscope.
• Aubrey Plaza really shouldn't be attractive, but she is anyways.
• So that movie was worth watching, but not really a good fit for Drunken Movie Night. Sorry KL, you've lost your wingin' it privileges.
• DB: Next time you're in for a drunken movie night go for John Dies at the End

DMN 07/26/2013 - Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life

Drunken movie night! Tonight's feature is Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life.

• I know it wasn't one of the suggestions from last time, but this way I can finish off the series. Also, fair warning... may or may not involve swearing.
• And we start it off with a big fat Greek wedding. They look skinny, but I"m assuming it's their fatness that set off the earthquake.
• Because slowing down if for old people and fat kids, random Greek boater. That's why.
• The Lunar Temple! What are the Night Elves doing here?
• Product placement! I wonder how much Panasonic paid for that?
• Hello, wetsuit!
• 
• Hmm... the visual effects are reminiscent of a SyFy original movie.
• And that's why the Green Party hates rich people... destroying coral for no good reason.
• A temple that's been underwater for over a millennium, and somehow the torches still work. Totally believable.
• Where is she carrying all these flares?
• That was a completely impractical way of getting across those rails.
• Ninjas!
• Harpooned! Like a boss.
• You, sir, can turn in your ninja card.
• You know what blood means... sharks! Or maybe bears. But since we're underwater, probably sharks.
• Except apparently there's only one shark in the entire Aegean Sea.
• Holy shit, that's a lot of likes.
• Why are rich people in movies always either fat or Japanese?
• On the bright side, now I know what the death of a traitor sounds like.
• I'm not entirely sure how to type it out though, so you'll just have to use your imagination.
• Pandora's Box! Xena actually already found that.
• WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
• Freeze. Enhance. Enhance. Use predictive raster imaging to determine what's on the other side of the image. Enhance. Reverse polarity. Enhance.
• You know what would be awesome? Consistent volume, so I don't have to alternate between pumping the phat beats down to my neighbors and not being able to hear anything.
• Ha! Thought he looked familiar... Gerard Butler is definitely in this movie.
• We now pause for a sports update: Mariners are winning 1-0 in the top of the 9th. Felix has only thrown 86 pitches so far and is doing quite well, but unfortunately the offense is also playing up to their usual standards.
• *Random Chinese swearing*
• I wish I were a gojillionaire, so I could afford to know people all over the world too.
• Psh, Steve McQueen did it better. And he had to break out of a POW camp first.
• I'll look at your ass if I want to.
• Dude, you're acting like a girl.
• Product placement! Toyota time.
• Stabbing leaves blood. For an evil genius, you're kind of a fucking moron.
• The "never" part is the part I didn't understand.
• Bad guy fail! NEVER close to melee distance when you've got a ranged weapon.
• BS: i so wish i was there
• Bitch Maneuver X! An expression which one person might recognize.
• Riding down a rope head first makes total sense.
• Was she just using Google Glass?
• "Flower Pagoda." Thanks movie, that really narrows down our location.
• That's like saying your location is "at a lake" in a movie set in Minnesota.
• Bad guy fail #2: Never attend a dangerous meeting in person. That's what minions are for.
• Cameraman fail #lots. Fake slow-mo FTL.
• Time for another... something.
• Ah, I remembered!
• Time for another reference that maybe a couple people will get: She has the biggest. Puffiest. Lips.
• And that's why you don't use glass ceilings in your building.
• Pew pew!
• Seriously? How did they not see that guy? Worst. Security. Ever.
• Also, shooting the monitors doesn't do a fucking thing. Lara Croft should be smarter than that.
• Shooting bullets into a shopping mall just to break some glass: good idea, bad idea?
• Only semi related. Lifting weights: good idea. Kicking weights: bad idea.
• Also, never flee upwards... far to easy to get trapped.
• Unless you're a flying squirrel, in which case you're probably ok.
• I don't think it's physically possible to land that gently.
• So, some crazy English lady shows up and asks to borrow your TV, and says it's important. Do you comply?
• Product placement! Panasonic is back.
• Dude, that's going to destroy your data plan.
• So I guess Alexander the Great had more advanced technology than we do.
• Dear neighbors: your pot still smells like pot. Either get something higher quality, or close the windows and just hotbox yourselves.
• YOU POLLUTED THE SERENGETI!
• Sometimes, I hate being a sensible drunk.
• But then I wake up in the morning, and I'm glad.
• Dear bad guys: You've got a fucking helicopter, why didn't you just go all the way to the top?
• Sports update! I realize you're fairly terrible Seattle, but why are you taking so long to beat Minnesota?
• Believe it or not, this fits: http://youtu.be/FMWurDiNWl8?t=5s
• Kind of.
• I guess it was more of a baboon, really. But whatevs.
• Zomg, it's Nocturne!
• "Make a formation now!"? WTF kind of command is that?
• No, that's more like if Maokai and Nocturne had a baby.
• *shoots next to foot* "The next one will be higher." Hey fucktard, that's still going to miss him.
• I think Escher would have a wet dream if he ever imagined this part of the movie.
• Gank fail.
• Ah! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!http://youtu.be/znxFrgql5dc?t=18s
• Pretty sure you just let some anti-life out. I'm also pretty sure that isn't a thing, but we'll roll with it.
• Saluka sassa. That's what it sounded like to me, at least.
• I'm pretty sure he didn't have that much hair before.
• The end! 

DMN 08/09/2013 - Can't Hardly Wait

Drunken movie night! And because it's been too long (and because it popped up on Netflix), I'm breaking out "Can't Hardly Wait."

• Timely warning this time! May or may not be some foul language.
• I'm there, you're there, everybody's there.
• Mike Dexter broke up with Amanda Beckett? Zomg!
• I think that guy might've been in PCU.
• Shoes with no socks. Smell bad!
• Holy shit, she eats the same breakfast pastries that I do!
• Women, bro!
• Run home Jack! Run home Jack!
• So this is going back a bit, but how the fuck did he know what flavor her pop tart was?
• 92%, yo!
• "That is a fragrance of love scented candle, bitch!"
• It's our song!
• Why does anybody have a song on that plays Barry Manilow?
• Melissa Joan Hart!
• Turk!
• I wonder if I could rock the upside-down visor? Pretty sure I'm not even going to try.
• "From this light, you somewhat resemble David Duchovny."
• Your mom needs to talk.
• Is it sad that I recognize that song from Pandora?
• Preston is almost as awesome with the ladies as I am.
• "Totally prettier, but with bigger boobs."
• Prettier is good... bigger boobs are contextual.
• She's a witch!
• "Cheetah... rrrrrr....."
• Bullcorn! Might be the expression of the day.
• "You remember that time, when I was about to talk to that beautiful girl, and you came up and started telling me all these asinine stories?"
• "No."
• "That's funny. Because it just happened!"
• "Why you all gotta waste my flavor? Damn!"
• Nobody ordered a Love Burger.
• Is that poop?
• "Damn! She's gon' think I got the premature evacuation."
• "I can't feel my legs. I have no legs!"
• I do know about me.
• "Any words of encouragement?" "Would you like to touch my penis? Eh?"
• The kama sutra just looks painful.
• "I was gettin' my shit ready."
• That dude is wearing a gay shirt.
• "You're not going to tell my parents about this, are you?"
• Maybe he wasn't in PCU... he might just have stoner hair.
• "...and God's just wanting to eat us."
• I hate it when my girlfriend from the internet has a photoshoot in Fiji.
• "Why you gots'ta be such a ragin' bitch all the time?"
• Barry Manilow! Was your song really about a dog?
• Jenna Elfman! As an angel!
• Do angels wear bras?
• "Oh, I'm a weirdo? You're the one calling Barry Manilow from a phone booth at 2am."
• Is it just me, or does anybody else walk like a raptor when they're drunk?
• "Sheep! You are all sheep. Baaaa! Baaaaa!"
• "You call Barry Manilow, and you tell him how you feel."
• Take me down to the paradise city, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.
• No, your retainer does not look like a Klingon warship.
• "Are you gonna move or not? Cause I gotta go."
• It's okay, I told Diane something-or-other that you were a dendropheliac.
• Jerry O'Connell! I need to add Sliders to my list of things to watch back through.
• "College chicks are different, bro. They all talk about serious issues and shit."
• ^^Semi-true shit.
• His hair is kinda brown. He's sorta tall. And he sometimes wears t-shirts.
• Jason Segel! As watermelon guy.
• Oh no she di'int!
• "I'll kick everyone's ass in this room!"
• "I just saw what happened, and... oh God, you're a hottie!"
• That might actually be the perfect soundtrack.
• According to this movie, every high schooler is a bigger slut/man whore than I am. Not surprising. Also, let's face it... that doesn't take much.
• Pretty sure you wouldn't hit them from that angle jumping off the roof.
• Go go, random klepto dude!
• Awwwkwaaaard....
• "My shit coulda been slammin' with somebody else"
• I'm gonna take you by the hand, and make you understand, Amanda....
• I'm gonna take you by surprise and make you realize, Amanda....
• Pretty sure that wasn't Manilow.
• Knowing who you weren't meant to be with is useful information too.
• "You know it would've been cool to make out with her though."
• Okay, now he's more talented than I am.